Thursday, 27 March 2014

Room to Move ... Reflections on rental house hunting in Frankston

'Large 4 bedroom home allows ample room to move for the larger family'. 
As you enter this home, you will be greeted by stressed tenants making excuses as to why they haven't finished cleaning. You will also be bowled over by the pungent stench of cat piss and dirty socks which is inadequately masked by a sea of discount store detergents.
'Dwelling offers L shaped lounge, dining, breakfast bar overlooking family room.'
If you can tolerate the stench to get as far as the kitchen, you will be horrified to discover the half emptied, grotty looking pantry overflowing with a mangle of discarded packets and household garbage, and when looking over to the family room, you will be unable to see past the mountains of newspapers, dirty clothes and unpaid bills.
'Master bedroom with ensuite and other bedrooms with built in robes'. 
It is highly unlikely you'll make it this far, but if you do you will be entertained by the tenants arguing with the agent about the mould on the walls of the living area; 'it was definitely there when we first moved in!'.
'Enquiries to our rental department'.
Dear agent, 
What the hell were you thinking?

Save me. Just save me.