Sunday, 19 February 2012

Where the Hell am I going?

I sometimes wonder where I’m headed. Is that common to humanity? 

Sometimes we float around, get lost in whatever crisis or problem shows its ugly head, get caught in the escape route of entertainment or mind-altering substances, or simply become so immersed in our own problems we can’ t see past our own noses.
I want to live in a directional way. That isn’t easy. It takes energy initially when we sit and ponder our goals, and then write them down in a concrete form. It takes energy in the midst of them, as we swing between striding towards things we want to achieve and hovering around temptations, those dreaded devils that poke in front of us like hairy hands from the corners of ghost-train alley. But despite the challenges, its worth giving it a go.

I want to live with enthusiasm like a Pentecostal Christian lives to worship. I want to live for life, be thankful for life, and grab hold of opportunities fully charged and ready to spread the good news. To do this, I need a boost. Where do I get this boost? There are times when I feel it. Sometimes it comes from within, but at other times what comes from within are barriers and walls. My phone is handy – I can browse through articles in the news, look at tweets, seek encouragement on Facebook. I can keep fit, head to the gym, swim in the ocean, play a game of tennis – those hormones inspired by movement are supposed to do wonders. Music can inspire, a delicious morsel of chocolate or a spicy dish can fire the senses and the soul.

Life is like music. You take hold of it sometimes in both hands, using your creativity and your spirit to compose its parts and shape its outcomes as best you can. But at other times it takes you by surprise, lifting and guiding you and sweeping you out of the realities you have become accustomed to. The inspiration can depend on the player of the instrument and the singer of the words. The same words, in life, can guide you in completely different ways, all depending on the personality of the messenger and the manner in which the message is communicated.

Sometimes it is like a bommie, submerged beauty beneath the heavy mass above, colours and life which are hidden to the naked eye. Can the bommie be revealed, with a vacuum which sucks away the sand and water like a liposuction operation, revealing beauty which was formerly in disguise… only to see the life within it die and wither away?

Is superstition banned in a directional life? Some will find a portent in numbers, natural disasters, a crow flying over-head, and it inspires a certain action, influences a choice. Does a life with direction become devoid of splurges? Does it become dull and routine, a shovel digging a hole, shovelful by shovelful? Or is it more like the polisher of gemstones… rolling and polishing, rolling and polishing until eventually the deep shine and depth of colour is revealed?

Reality – my day to day life. All I can do is try – set myself goals, be inspired wherever I can, accept that sometimes it’s just a treadmill and my inspiration might be just around the corner. But it will come. Once I can learn to enjoy each moment within the goals – then I will start really living. That will be deadly. I still mightn't know where I'm going, but I'm far less likely to care!